My Thoughts In Letters

I just turned 26 today.

I cannot believe this is happening to me. I'm supposed to go out and celebrate not stare at the monitor feeling gloomy. But no luck there. The celebration seemed to have left without me.

Don't get me wrong. I am grateful for another year. It's just that YOU greeted me and told me to be honest with myself. What made you say that? Today.. of all days.

Here's a little honesty from me, dad. After 26 years, I guess I am still not good enough to be your daughter. Where is the father who used to call me his little star?

I know I have made a few, bad decisions. I did not listen to you. But this is my life and I was expecting to be understood and entitled to making mistakes just like everyone else.

I am not perfect, dad.

I tried to reach your expectations but they are just too high. I have been working hard at it since I was a little girl when your praises were so much easier to get. I was happy when I saw you nod in approval; brokenhearted when you disapproved.

I wished to be more like my sister. In your eyes, she always did things right. But no matter how hard I try, I will never be like her and you have to accept that.

I am sorry if I failed you. You see, I am trying to live my life the best way I can. I just wish you'll tell me you're proud of what you see even if I am far from being the perfect daughter you wanted me to be.

I am not asking for too much. Just stay there while I am learning my lessons in life. I need you and have never stopped needing you even during the times when I chose to do things my own way.

Honesty, dad? You have been making it hard for me to love you but nothing you could say or do will make me hate you.

Even when you make me cry on my birthday.